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The Most Disingenuous Quote In The History Of Soccer

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I can't resist. Step up, Alan Pardew, and tell us about how the ballyhooed arrival of Tevez and Mascherano at West Ham has thrown a few sour notes into the harmonious choir that was their locker room.

"That happens at every big club and [becoming a big club] is hopefully where we are going. The situation will only get worse in terms of players feeling aggrieved they're not playing. All they can do is work hard on the training ground and convince me with their performances that they should be playing.

Will you pardon me a minute while I have a little chuckle at this?

(burns esophagus, sprains abdomen - literally busts a gut, laughing.)

Fitness and availability aside, there is no conceivable "hard work" on the training ground or anywhere else - short of that involving loaves and fishes - which will allow the two starters now consigned to the bench to dislodge the Argentinians in the near future. What a hilarious, if understandable, example of managerspeak.

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