Poor Mateschnitzoids.

It's halfway through August, only 5 months since the Great Taurinated Leap Forward Into Glory, yet - shocker of shockers - it's still impossible to procure an authentic replica RBNY jersey (though I do know a fella in Union City who can do the job for you - how many do you need?)

What's a corporate sycophant to do - well, besides dribble excitedly about the foreign stepbrother team who (rightfully) couldn't care less about you?
























You could drop eighty bucks on this fine accessory. I only wish I was kidding.

Anyone sensing the profound irony of producing rings for a team that hasn't ever won jack? Sure, you might be able to shift a few, but as merchandising priorities go, tacky-ass rings should really be down somewhere between logo-emblazoned miniature treasure chests for fish tanks, and logo-emblazoned aluminum siding. Who, who would wear this thing?

Funny thing is, I had "ice" just like this when I was a kid. I won it from the chicken machine at the local Grand Union, it was only $79.75 cheaper, and doubtlessly a lot more fun to get.