I see your permatanned lips movin', but I don't hear nothin' being said

Not ready to make nice.

I see your permatanned lips movin', but I don't hear nothin' being said

Published Tuesday, February 20, 2007 by The Metrologist | E-mail this post

or, "In Soccer It Can't Happen Overnight," a poem by Dieter Mateschnitz in the Neo-Vague Sakiewiczist style, via the admirably terrieresque Michael Lewis.

In soccer, it can’t happen overnight
It will take a number of years to build a top team.

Winning the championship and reaching the final
cannot be our goal just yet
On the other hand
just
doing well cannot be enough either.
If everyone puts in their utmost effort
and we reach the semifinals, we would consider that a success.

Both the Anschutz Group and Red Bull believe that
famous and international soccer players
joining the MLS will strengthen the league and increase the interest and
fascination of soccer in the U.S.
Corresponding steps are likely to be taken by us, although
this is not a priority
and will happen only
when we move into Red Bull Park.

We are taking it one step at a time
First, we have to build a basic structure
form a solid team, scout for talent, and work on development, etc.
We have to do our homework properly and
only then we can think
about as many big names as the MLS rules will allow

We are confident that Bruce will
build a team that will compete for and ultimately
win a championship
no matter who those players are

We are trying to build the new home for the team and fans
as fast as possible, but
planning procedures and construction work
on Red Bull Park
has to be done properly
We hope it will be open by 2008

We will make use
of as many synergies as possible including
knowledge transfer, common training camps
player exchanges and friendly matches

to build a soccer club and a team
everybody can and will be proud of
including our players, our media partners and above all our fans and supporters
Not only those from the East Coast
but all sports enthusiasts and soccer fans across the U.S.

First we have to win.
We have to be a part of the playoffs on a regular basis
and finish the season in best position possible.
So we have to find the best trainers and
the best players to play intelligent
fast and stout-hearted soccer.

This can only be changed parallel with
the sportive success of the New York Red Bulls.

So there you have it - at the mundane "informational" level, it's merely a smorgasbord of platitudes, puffery, PR, promises tilted in cavalier fashion at the future and wishful thinking, with just one nugget of useful information - if you were banking heavily on any big ZZ-shaped splash in the next few weeks, think again.

My favorite bit of wordy non-information comes in lines 3-7: we cannot legitimately expect to win anything now so don't get your hopes up, but mere everyday success isn't good enough for us, the Mighty All-Conquering Red Bull.
The banality of actual stated goals? Heavens, no, not for us. A visionary poetry of paradox that covers all the bases? Yes!

It is all so oddly comforting to longtime Metro fans, in the sense of eternal return/plus ca change, etc. Vague promises ("we've almost got a practice facility agreement drawn up"), a whole lot of nice-sounding words that mean nothing, and a smattering of excuses why things are currently running behind schedule - it's all we know. Like a warm, fuzzy blanket.

The Metro ghetto of Bigsoccer, as you can well imagine, is enraptured over these "plans" and "vision" of a "true fan."

Labels: gibberish, interview, Mateschnitz's poetry, Michael Lewis, pomposity